I feel like lately I have been losing some focus in this blog. So I asked myself, why did I begin writing in the first place?
I’ve always written: journals, poems, lines or lyrics from music, notes during class. Writing helps my brain organize my busy thoughts, and remember my focus at various points in life. I used to keep prayer journals when I was in middle school, just to keep up with the many things I felt compelled to pray about. Then I felt a need to try to sort out my emotions – journal entries and poetry helped.
Why did I start writing here on this blog? I think there are many reasons:
- I have only recently become an atheist. My worldview has changed so dramatically in my life – from a young earth creationist, evangelical, personal-savior Jesus & Bible as the literal word of God believing, everyone’s going to hell type Christian… to an atheist, secularist, humanist type person who embraces scientific discovery and knowledge. I’m still the same in that I love people and wish to reduce the suffering in the world, but I have a completely different idea of how to go about reducing that suffering (or at least trying to) now. Blogging helps me lay out my new world-view and understand why I think and feel the way I do.
- I had an overwhelmingly negative experience with Christianity. My beliefs led to dangerous and harmful ideas about being a human and functioning in the modern world. My beliefs led to unnecessary pain and sadness in my life, and I’m still doing the work to understand how my beliefs hurt me and how I can learn to love and accept my humanity: my body, my sexuality, my limitations, wants, needs, emotions… writing helps with this dissection and understanding, which can lead to healing.
- I know that there is anti-atheist prejudice in the world. Not that I expect this blog to go viral, but I hope that whoever is reading might think, hey, atheists can be decent people too. I love the blogs I read that address bigger issues and do important work in identifying what can be harmful about religion on the large scale, but I am trying (though sometimes it’s hard to do!) to keep the focus inward, and address the personal issues that go into being a human and trying to do what’s right and what’s best for myself and others.
- I’m not out to my family. I am out to some of my friends and am part of a humanist group, which is very helpful, but I have not found the courage yet to be open about not being a Christian anymore to my family especially. So, I think this blog is a way for me to be open and out there in some degree, to feel like I’m not so alone maybe.
I write to help me understand how I want to live.